The Self

In addition to these subpersonalities, a core assumption of the IFS model is that everyone has a “Self” that has compassion, curiosity, clarity, creativity, calm, confidence, courage, and connectedness. These are called the eight C’s. The Self also has five P’s: patience, presence, persistence, perspective, and playfulness. Additional assumptions are:

• When differentiated from the subpersonalities, or “parts,” the Self is competent, secure, self-assured, relaxed, and able to listen and respond to feedback. When in this state people describe feeling as that of being "centered."
• The Self can and should lead the internal system.

However you want to look at it, the Self is a great place to be. And you can depend on it because it never gets destroyed. In his decades of practicing IFS therapy, Richard Schwartz says he has worked with murderers and other perpetrators, addicts, and victims of PTSD. Schwartz says that though it may feel distant at times, the Self, with all of its good qualities, is always there and can never be harmed.

You may wonder if there is any proof that the Self exists. Not directly, but there is anecdotal evidence beyond Richard Schwartz’s claim. Therapists and clients often report experiencing deeper connection, self-compassion, and healing through IFS, which can be seen as evidence of the Self's positive influence.

There is also clinical evidence: Studies indicate IFS can be effective in treating various mental health conditions. While not directly proving the existence of the Self, the research suggests accessing an inner compassionate leader can lead to positive change.

And finally, the concept of the Self is in alignment with Universal Human Values. That is, there are analogous concepts in many other belief systems and psychological frameworks. Here are a few examples:

• Christianity - The Self: Some people view the concept of the Self in IFS as aligning with the idea of a redeemed or sanctified self within the context.
• Jungian Psychology - The Self: In Jungian psychology, the Self represents the center of the psyche and the integration of the conscious and unconscious aspects of an individual. It is a transcendent and unifying force that guides personal growth and individuation.
• Humanistic Psychology - Self-Actualization: In humanistic psychology, particularly in the work of Abraham Maslow, there is the concept of self-actualization. This refers to the realization and fulfillment of one's talents, potential, and capabilities.
• Buddhism - True Self or Buddha Nature: In Buddhist philosophy, there is the concept of the True Self or Buddha Nature. It signifies the innate, unchanging, and enlightened nature within each individual, often obscured by delusions and attachments.
• Psychosynthesis - The Higher Self: Psychosynthesis, developed by Roberto Assagioli, introduces the concept of the Higher Self. It represents the highest, most authentic aspect of an individual and serves as a guiding principle for personal development.
• Transpersonal Psychology - The Transpersonal Self: In transpersonal psychology, the concept of the Transpersonal Self goes beyond the individual ego and connects with broader, spiritual dimensions of consciousness.

Parts

Beyond the Self, the IFS model includes the notion of subpersonalities or “parts,” which can be categorized into three categories:

1. Firefighters – a group of reactive parts that activate impulsively when difficult emotions of the exiles come to the surface in an effort to control them. Examples include food, sweets, smoking, alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, shopping, work, and the use of social media.
2. Managers – a group of parts that use various proactive ways to protect you from being overwhelmed by the difficult emotions carried by exiles. Their job is to control the person’s psyche and maintain system stability. Examples include controller, perfectionist, passive pessimist (avoids interpersonal contacts through withdrawal and passivity), and babysitter (cares about everyone around you, except yourself, and uses this strategy as a way to escape your own emotions).
3. Exiles - young parts of our personality that have been hurt in some way (usually in our childhood), and have become "stuck” in the past in a kind of “time-warp”. They still hold memories of difficult events and carry various emotional burdens. Examples include fear, feelings of guilt, anger, shame, responsibility, a sense of worthlessness, hopelessness, loneliness, emptiness, grief, and disappointment.

In general, the firefighter and manager parts should be considered heroes. They try to keep us safe from pain, humiliation, and shame. However, they can become counterproductive when forced into extreme roles by (most often) early adverse experiences. Without some intentional intervention, the parts do not realize that with age and experience, the Self is more capable of managing difficult situations. Without intentional intervention, the parts can conflict with each other, consuming valuable mental energy. For example, one part might lead a person to overeat in order to distract from feelings of loneliness. Another may, in turn, vilify the person for lack of self-discipline, deepening the pain that caused the overeating. Imagine that person spending most days preoccupied with thoughts of hunger and recrimination. Now the parts are running the show. The self still exists, but is obscured. Thoughts and feelings are consumed by trauma-driven parts. That is one example of how disconnection from one’s self can occur.

Unblending

When the trauma-driven parts are running the show they are obscuring the wonderful qualities of the Self. Another way of saying this is that they have become “blended” with the Self. For example, it is common for persons who gamble to excess to think of themselves as gamblers, when instead they could be thinking they are fine, complex human beings who have a part that seeks comfort, in the form of distraction or escape, from gambling. Shifting from the former perspective to the latter is a form of differentiating called “unblending,” which is certainly a more respectful way of viewing oneself.

Working with Firefighters and Managers

Despite being exhausted, the parts that take extreme roles are like tireless soldiers and do not give up. They need help. They need to be listened to and reassured that the Self can safely take over.

IFS emphasizes dialogue and compassion as key tools to bring our parts into harmony, which can lead to greater self-understanding, emotional well-being, and overall healing. Here's how:

• Building trust and connection: Through guided meditations and conversations with each part, you encourage them to share their experiences, feelings, and motivations without judgment. This creates a safe space for open communication and understanding.
• Unburdening the parts: Often, our parts take on exaggerated roles to protect us from emotional pain or trauma experienced earlier in life. IFS helps identify these underlying wounds and explore them with compassion, allowing the parts to release the burdens they carry.
• Fostering cooperation and collaboration: Each part serves a purpose, even if it manifests in unhealthy ways. By understanding their roles and intentions, and encouraging them to work together, you can help them find more constructive ways to fulfill their needs.
• Integration and increased Self-awareness: As parts heal and learn to cooperate, you experience a greater sense of internal unity and coherence. This allows you to respond to life's challenges with more flexibility and wisdom.

Approaching your protective parts with confidence helps them relax, allowing more of your true Self to shine through. This process reduces the protective parts' sense of threat, opening up space for your authentic Self to express itself more freely.

Unburdening Exiles

Working with exiles can be complex and may require the guidance of a trained therapist familiar with IFS techniques, especially for deep-seated or traumatic wounds. The general approach is as follows:

• Identify the Exiles: Recognize and acknowledge the wounded parts (exiles) that are carrying burdens such as pain, fear, shame, or trauma.
• Create a Safe Space: Establish a safe and nurturing inner environment where the exiles can be accessed and worked with without re-traumatizing them.
• Develop Self-Leadership: Cultivate your Self, the core of calmness, compassion, and curiosity, to lead the process. This involves accessing your own inner wisdom and strength.
• Dialogue with Exiles: Engage in a compassionate dialogue with the exiled parts to understand their needs, fears, and experiences. Listen with empathy and without judgment.
• Heal and Reintegrate: Offer these parts understanding, comfort, and healing. Help them release their burdens and transform into healthier, less burdened parts.
• Reintegrate into Self: Once the exiles have been unburdened, reintegrate them into your Self, allowing their positive qualities to enrich your life.
• Maintain Self-Leadership: Continue to nurture your Self and practice self-compassion to prevent the reemergence of burdensome patterns.

Summary

The Internal Family Systems model reveals a powerful truth: Within each of us lies a wellspring of compassion and potential. Understanding this model equips you to tap into your inner strength and become your own therapist in a way. That is, by learning the basics you can become your own healer and leader.